197 x 41cm - diptych - oil on canvas. Painting copyrights of Studio Florent Paris-Berlin
„Sri“
Indien, den 12. Juli 2021
„Sri Jagannathay Namah“
Today is a Rathayatra Day and since last night again my old dream is standing clearly before my eyes, ritually, punctually and without fail. But this time a certain development is rather shocking! All these years, many times I wanted to write it down but never came to it, perhaps because this year was an important link in the story, which is surreal!
The Rathayatra Day
Every year on the Sri Jagannath Rathayatra day I remember the dream I have had a long ago as a child. If it was just a dream or a memory of some past life or who knows what else it was?! I always wonder about it.
Throughout the year I never remember anything of it, even any news, info or things related to Puri never triggers the memory of that dream. However, on the day of Rathayatra I always happen to remember it without fail. It just pops up to my mind out of nowhere, punctually in the night before the Rathayatra, when I would be desperately waiting to see Sri Jagannatha in the morning. It is so crazily mysterious! Why is it so?!
How come I never remember it otherwise?!
Whenever I start remembering it, it is always as if I am watching a movie, like each frame of that dream is so clear and picture perfect. The feelings, the smells, the sounds, the noises around, everything is still so intact in the memory as if it was a part of some real life experience and not just a regular dream. It feels like a memory, like an experience and not like any other dream. So I always felt that some memory must have surfaced in the dream on that night.
Beyond this, what beats me really is, when I had had that dream I didn’t know anything about the city of Puri, Sri Jagannatha or the Rathayatra. I had never heard anything about it or had never seen any image, at least not consciously. It is only much after the dream that I had discovered about Rathayatra, Puri and about my Jagannatha! And I still remember seeing him for the first time with his huge round eyes, so enigmatic, which is a deadly combination of the scariest eyes carrying a naughty humble glimpse. They give a shiver to the spine!
So now to the dream:
It was a Rathayatra day when I had reached Puri by car. Accompanying me were a few persons, whom I happened to find/meet many years after the dream had occurred.
The setup of the dream seemed a weird combination of ancient and modern. Puri looked very different and not like today, like not with a cluster of buildings around Srimandir (temple). The Srimandir was standing alone on a large empty ground; nothing at all was around it, at least not in one km of its periphery.
I had just reached a hotel or guest-house situated on the main road from where the Rathayatra was going to pass later on that day. It was one of the nearest buildings to the Srimandir.
It was very early in the morning as we had reached there. Some hustle bustle that was going on at the Srimandir area at a far distance was little audible. Only pedestrians, mostly men were in the street and all were dressed in white.
The hotel building had a narrow front to the main street, and was stretched into the depth, with an entrance from a narrow side-lane on its left side. All buildings on both the sides of the main road had a similar architecture of low-rise.
I could see that it had just rained in Puri, the unpaved street was quite washed out, and large potholes were filled up with murky water. The hotel personal, who had come to receive us at the car, said that it had rained in the whole night very heavily and the newly repaired street for the Rathas has got now into a terrible shape. He mumbled to himself “as wishes Mahaprabhu!” while he carried our bags inside to the rooms.
It was a two-story old style clay house, low ceilings, thick lime walls, wooden pillars and windows with brass decorations. Inside it had a little moldy smell from the moist walls through the monsoon.
My room was nestled at the end of a short corridor on the first floor. As I entered the room, I got a strong smell of the moist moldy walls mixed with a fragrance of some natural incenses burning to cover the bad smell, as well as a sweet fragrance of fresh flowers of Rajnigandha kept in a vase on the bedside table.
The room was big enough but the ceiling was quite low. It was also quite cool and dark in there, though it had white lime wall paint. And with its very thick walls, it felt like to be in a place underground. The room had no real windows except one very small one, which opened at the narrow lane above the main entrance, and beams of daylight were marching in through it.
I went to the window, which was placed knee-high above the ground, and stretching myself through it, I looked outside and down in the lane. It felt like peeping out through a “jangi” of a fort guard, due to the thick walls and small size of the window.
The room had a wooden Victorian style bed with white cotton mosquito net cover. I went over to sit near the flowers; the bed was so cool to touch. As I was checking the flowers, the room-boy busy with luggage arrangement and his work, informed me that “sir asked me to put the flowers for you, madam!”
He wore black trousers and white shirt, and called me “madam” so I wondered sometimes if this dream was set in the British times. Another strange thing about this is that when I had gotten this dream I was a young little child, but in the dream itself I was a lady, an adult person.
The whole place, its service and privacy appeared to be highly privileged for that era.
We had had a really long road trip, coming from our place (don’t know from which place we had arrived) driving through the whole night, nonstop. So I was really tired, wanted to take a shower and then rest. But I didn’t want to miss the yatra procession if I slept through so I told this to the room boy.
“No madam, you take your bath and sleep a little, it will still take a long time for the chariots to come till here!” He assured me as he carried in buckets of hot water for my bath. There was no running water in the bathroom and no electricity in the house. Only oil lamps were burning everywhere in the niche made for the lamps.
The bathroom was also quite dark with only one small window for some fresh air. I sat down on a little wooden seat to take bath, took a brass jug of warm water to pour on my face and closed the eyes. I could feel the warm brightness of the light of the lamps behind my closed and tired eyes. As I poured the warm water on my face, the smoky smell of the water which was cooked on a wood-fire stove was so very aromatic and nourishing. I bathed with quite hot water enjoying its smoky flavor.
After the bath, I prepared for a short nap, set an alarm and also informed the room boy to let me know before the procession approaches in front of the hotel loggia. I told my family/companions not to let me sleep too long. I didn’t know why, but I was scared to miss on Jagannatha’s chariot passing by.
Nonetheless, once in the bed, I fell asleep instantaneously.
When I woke up, the room was totally in the dark. It took me a little time to recollect where I was. Somehow I managed to gather myself and rang the hand bell to call the room boy. He came over rushing, increased the flames of the lamps to brighten up the room. He said until I got fresh, he will bring me a nice hot chai.
When he brought me a chai, I asked about my companions and he informed, “Sirs are sitting in the loggia, madam. I’ve informed them that you are up!”
Before taking the first sip on my chai I asked him why the window was closed.
“The window is open, madam!” he answered.
When I wondered why there was no daylight if the window was open, he answered that it was already dark outside and that he had only covered the window with the mosquito net, it was open otherwise.
When I heard that it was dark outside, I felt it was just a joke. I asked him how long I have been sleeping then, but he didn’t answer. When he didn’t answer, I became suspicious that I had probably slept the whole day and the chariots had already gone.
Just then one my companion came in the room.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?!” I asked him. I was upset.
“You were really tired!” He reasoned affectionately.
“The chariot must have passed by already!” I put away my chai on the tray table hastily, and rushed towards the loggia, as it was in the sleeping gown, without even wearing my slippers.
“Madam!... listen Madam!” The room boy followed me wanting to tell me something, but I was so upset that I just couldn’t listen to anybody anything anymore. My companions and other staff person also followed me.
I rushed to the loggia windows which opened to the main street and, leaning over, I looked outside.
About two hundred meters away down the street Nandighosh chariot of Sri Jagannatha stood still showing its back to me.
“Jagannath!.... Jagannath!” I mumbled to myself in despair, almost breaking down in tears. I had missed the chariot passing by our building. It was a highly privileged view point when Jagannatha’s chariot passed by our building loggia, because it was so close that one could almost touch the chariot. And from the first floor loggia, Sri Jagannath Mahaprabhu would be at the same level of height, availing one to see him from very close. And I was longing so much to have that glimpse and experience.
I just sat down wanting to cry in utter despair, getting angry at everybody for letting me sleep the whole day. The room boy and some staff were also trying to console me that the chariot was still so close and if I wanted I could still rush there and take darshan.
“Now it is too late, by the time I will reach there, he will be gone!” I saw no hope of seeing my Jagannath anymore.
“No madam! It seems he is not going to move from there tonight!” Somebody said.
They informed me that Mahaprabhu Balabhadra’s and Bhagawati Subhadra’s chariots were gone ahead and had already reached near Gundecha Temple. However, Mahaparbhu Jagannatha’s chariot was stuck there since more than six hours now. Because it seemed Nandighosh chariot’s some wheel was completely jammed there and the chariot was not moving even an inch. They had tried doing everything possible; the pothole where it seemed to have stuck was not even a real pothole. Nobody seemed to really know what was happening and what could be done. All the technicians, old, wise and experienced people were exhausted of all their logics and cures to get the wheel to move in those passed six hours.
After hearing this, I stood up and looked out of the loggia again. I saw thousands of people were sitting all around till further down in the street, as if they were going to camp there the whole night.
Oil torches were burning and people seemed to have accepted that Jagannath Mahaprabhu wanted to stay there and not move away tonight.
Like a lightning strikes, I turned around and rushed down the stairs as it was in the sleeping gown, without wearing sleepers or shoes. I was wearing light peach color two-piece sleeping gown, a sleeveless robe with a long arm overcoat. As I rushed out and away like a possessed towards the chariot, the room boy and my two companions followed me.
Trampling through the dark, stony, muddy, wet ground with my soft barefoot I reached the front side of the Nandighosh chariot and looked up to catch a glimpse of my Jagannatha. When I saw him, my body, my head became so hot; it felt like some intense fire was melting me. I was sweating profusely in that cold monsoon night and warm tears were streaming down my face and my heart was racing so fast like never before.
I remained standing there still, looking into his eyes, seeing his face, his smile.... slowly I started to feel calmness in my body. I wanted to rest my head at his feet, so I touched at the frontal part of the chariot where I could reach and touch with my head. I remained there for some time, don’t know for how long, may be for a few seconds or for a few minutes. Just then a sudden big jerk was felt at the chariot and it moved a couple of feet ahead, pushing me along with it.
Due to this sudden jerk, the temple people on the chariot, who were sitting relaxed and ready to stay there for the night peacefully, were alerted and started to look around for what had happened.
Very quick the shouts and cry that “the chariot has moved!” was spread loud in the air and people relaxing all around were suddenly filled up with a new zest and energy, everybody rushing madly towards the chariot and to see what had happened.
As the crowd started to become thick and dense all around the chariot, my companions covered me with their protective arms on both sides and took me away quickly, to a safe distance at the border of the street, a little bit behind the chariot. And we watched people pulling the chariot, which had started to move smoothly as if it was rolling over butter.
We stood watching there until it rolled ahead fast and almost vanished from the eyes very soon.
With a lazy pace we walked back to the hotel. I was totally spaced out as if I was there and still not there.
Later on I realized that this entire episode, from the time my waking up from the sleep until the chariot moving away, had happened in a very short span of time, though it felt like very long.
The mystery of the chariot wheel getting stuck strangely and then suddenly moving ahead without any effort, when everybody had given up, was beating everybody’s imagination.
The whole event was too intense, we all needed to recover and recollect ourselves, so I sat quietly in the loggia couch, surrounded by my loving companions, looking down, gazing at my soiled muddy feet and the bottom of my gown….
The next morning we walked to Srimandir. Its front yard had a deserted look without Sri Jagannatha being inside there. I wanted to walk ahead and so we walked ahead towards a little steep path leading to a mound ahead by the ocean. There were five coco palms along the path in a row at a big distance from each other, which were leaning over the water down the cliff-like slight elevation, otherwise nothing was anywhere around there; just the Srimandir, ocean and the palms.
As we walked ahead in a relaxed pace, the sun was rising on our left, the wind was brushing through the palms, and gentle waves were brushing the sandy shore. The moist wind, the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves and winds were brushing my senses. And on our right at a far distance stood the majestic Srimandir of Sri Jagannatha with its Neelchakra and Dhwaja (the flag) high above, as if it was holding the sky at its tip.
It has been so many years since this dream had happened to me, but each year on this one day of Rathayatra I start to remember it in a great detail, that I relive it again and again – never otherwise. Already after a day or two after the Rathayatra, I have to make some efforts to remember it with that picture perfect clarity. This phenomenon is also so mysterious!
Up until this year, it felt like either it was just a dream or some subconscious memory of the past. However, this year some weird, unexpected turns came in it.
The first, the area around the Puri temple started to get cleared up, even the buildings of thousand plus years of heritage were razed down by the government. Something like this would ever happen there was absolutely beyond anybody’s wild imagination. But it has happened! And even if not quite as wide open and free until the ocean as it was in my dream, still a large area around Srimandir became an open space. Particularly, this unusual development of this year had alarmed and scared me a lot, like nothing else before.
And the second thing is, this year I happened to come across Gxxxxn, who was one of the persons who were there in that dream. Similarly, earlier I had found yet two more persons, who were part of that dream, only years after the dream had occurred to me.
So what is this mystery?!
If it was really a dream or a subconscious memory of some past life, but then how come I meet the people from it now afterwards?!
But if it is an essence of something in the future then why that kind of set up was there like without electricity and modern life?! And is it possible to catch an essence of the future with such great details?!
Anyway, whatever it was and still is, whenever I happen to remember it, it is a blessing to see that I am seeing my Mahaprabhu Jagannatha from so close. And it is a joy to think that because I was sleeping, he was waiting there only for me, not letting the wheels of his chariots move, for he knew how I would have cried like hell if I would have really missed him on that day. This certainly makes me wonder if I love him more or if he loves me more, though I know he is the pure love in Himself!
Jay Sri Hari!
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